The darkness filled with love and pain
by RealWorldWriter47
Summary: Edward and Bella are happy, but their happiness can't last. The Volturi are coming and Bella has to make a decision. In the end though, will it matter what she chooses? will Edward change her in time? What will the Volturi do?
1. A Promise

**Disclaimer: Though I wished I owned Edward Cullen, I do not. I don't own any part of Twilight (darn it)**

The darkness was closing in. I fought to stay awake, to comfort the grieving angel, but it was no use. I could hear Edward's low growl and picture the tearless sobs that were no doubt racking his frame, but could do nothing about it. My body was protesting against the searing pain that ran through it and my mind was slowly slipping away. I tested my lips though, letting the only name that could come to me slip from my tongue.

"Edward" I gasped and then let the wave of numbing blackness overtake me completely.

My eyes felt like they were plastered shut. I pried them open slowly and took in the scene around me. I was in Edward's room, on that annoyingly pointless (yet comfortable) bed. I scanned the area with my tired eyes, only half seeing it. I knew what I was really looking for and I soon found him, that perfect, pale, beautiful creature that was my boyfriend, Edward Cullen. He was perched on the side of the bed, his golden eyes scrutinizing me with a slightly pained expression. I sighed, we'd been here before.

We sat in silence for a few mildly uncomfortable minutes until I decided that I couldn't bare it anymore and spoke.

"Hi" I whispered, lamely

Edward muttered something that my inadequate human ears couldn't hear before sighing and pushing his body closer to mine.

"That's better" I said, smiling and seizing his hand firmly.

"Bella –"

I shushed him, raising my head lightly off the pillow, ignoring the dizzy feeling that followed, and pressed my lips to his. He was gentle, never once allowing even a toe to cross that oh so thin line he had put in place. As we pulled away I found myself searching for his eyes, knowing I would find the truth in them. They were just as serious and stern as before. My distraction had not gone as planned.

"Bella," he began again, deliberately keeping distance between us "What were you thinking?"

What a stupid question. How was I supposed to know what I was thinking, wasn't that his department of expertise?

"I thought you were hurt" I breathed, blushing scarlet as the sentence, which seemed so laughable now that the moment of desperation was passed, left my mouth.

I risked a glance in Edward's direction to see that he was torn between amusement and frustration as he so often was with me. I was hoping that he would go for the first option, but knew that my hope was in vein.

"Nothing can hurt me Bella"

His tone was severe and I didn't look up as I answered, "but if you were, and I didn't do anything…." I didn't finish the sentence, it was too horrible to even consider.

To my irritation, hot tears started to well up in my eyes. They spilled out and cascaded down my cheeks, onto his hand that was still clutched in mine. With an exasperated sigh, Edward placed his strong arm behind my back and pulled me to his chest. I rested my head there and let the drops of water fall onto his shirt. His hand stroked my hair, his lips brushed across the top of my head.

"Shh Bella," he whispered into my hair "you silly girl"

My mind reeled with sarcastic replies, but I didn't want to break the sudden closeness that had erupted. He used his free hand to push my face up so that he could see it and breathed his sweet breath onto my skin.

"You have to promise me something," he began and I was instantly cautious, "you have to promise that if anything happens to me, you will stay safe, you will stay _alive" _

I shook my head under his iron grasp, "not if you're not with me" I protested.

As soon as I said this, he seized my whole face in both of his hands and looked into my eyes with a new intensity, "_You will stay safe"_ It was a demand.

He forced my head to nod slowly and I knew that it was useless to protest, "I promise" I said through clenched teeth.

He instantly let go of my face and kissed the bridge of my nose, my jaw, my lips. He traveled along the side of my face until he was close enough to my ear to whisper,

"Thank you"

"Mmhm" I murmured unintelligibly as I tried to remember how to breathe. His lips found mine again and I wrapped my arms around his neck, throwing myself fully into the kiss. His mouth moved with a mixture of relief and passion, passion definitely dominating. I crushed myself to him, allowing myself to feel the tight muscles of his body and the chill of his skin. I was no longer conscious of what my body was doing and was surprised to see that we were kneeling, swaying slightly as if there were some music no one else could hear. My hands were tangled in his hair and his were clutching the small of my back, probably supporting most of my weight as my bones had turned to jelly.

And all too soon he was forcing me back onto the pillows, his lips moving slower, lacking the urgency of before. I groaned and I could feel his answering smirk against my skin.

"Thank you" he breathed again into the base of my neck.

"No problem" I rasped, trying to regain my breath.

I heard Edward chuckle from next to me and reached for his hand without a word.

* * *

**A/N: I have no idea whether I'm good at Twilight fanfiction, so please review! I will explain later what happened to hurt Bella by the way...no worries.**

**Thank you for reading**


	2. Secrets

I knew that it would be too much to ask for a dreamless sleep. My mind ran through the events of the day in much more detail then I would have thought possible. I was standing at our meadow, looking out over the cloudless sky, when I heard a snarl I would have recognized anywhere. The low, deep sound erupted from his chest and ripped into my soul.

"Edward!" I gasped leaning over the side to look down at the land a few feet bellow.

I saw, with horror, a pair of gleaming, ruby red eyes that paralyzed me for three long seconds. Urging my feet to move forward I bounded into the form of Edward's opponent without a second glance. My eyes shut, bracing for whatever pain would come next, and then I was being flown into the air, landing with a resounding _thud_ on the cold uneven ground.

My head ripped across a rock and my spine protested the sudden fall. My nerves went into overdrive, sending shocks of pain through my body. And then the creature was hovering over me inches away from my face and……

I sat bolt up right on the bed, my whole body quaking despite my best efforts to control it. Though it was relatively cold inside the dark room, my forehead was dripping with sweat. My hands rubbed absently at the bruise on the back of my head and I panted, trying to control my breathing.

In less time than humanly possible, I was cradled in Edward's arms. My hands wound around the back of his neck and I let him rock me gently back and forth. I had no energy left to be embarrassed, my head rested on his chest and my eyes closed.

Whether I fell asleep or not, I could not tell, but when my eyes next opened it was light outside and I was lying back on the bed as if nothing had happened. I sat up slowly and scanned the room, it didn't take long to conclude that he was not there, and though I knew it was ridiculous, my heart sank.

I flung back the covers of his bed and slipped downstairs where he was sure to be. I felt more than a little self conscious as I stepped into the living room to find seven beautiful, waiting vampires. I ran a hand through my hair, suddenly noticing how much of a rats nest it really was.

Edward was by my side in a second, taking my hand and guiding me to a couch. I could feel all fourteen golden eyes on me as I sat and was instantly wary.

"Did I interrupt something?" I asked, looking around

Edward gave his family a warning look before answering

"no" The glance only lasted a second, but it was enough to peak my curiosity

"Alice?" I turned to Edward's sister for support, if anyone was going to tell me, it would be her, but something in his eyes made even her shake her head.

This made me furious. How did they expect me to stay out of trouble if I didn't even know what trouble was coming?

"Edward!" I tried to hiss but it came out more like a whine and I settled on my best stern look.

He just laughed and kissed the top of my head, _Stupid, condescending, idiotic, overprotective, beautiful, seductive... _Urgh, even in my thoughts I couldn't say bad things about him. I flushed pink with frustration and Edward looked at me curiously, no doubt annoyed that he couldn't read my mind.

I was fortunate enough to be the only one immune to Edward's gift; it was one of the things that had attracted him to me. If I wasn't, if he could read my mind, would he have been so eager to get to know me? The resounding answer in my head was no, though I would never ask, afraid.

I felt his thumb rubbing against the back of my hand and was brought back from my daydream. Probably a good thing, overanalyzing was never productive. And then it hit me like an electric shock wave,

"Charlie!" I gasped. Scrambling from the couch and making my way clumsily to the door.

Edward's hand caught my wrist before I could turn the handle.

"I called him," Alice said, amused as she watched my expression "said I was all alone and asked you to sleep over"

She smiled as relief ran through me. No one needed Charlie bursting in with all of the Forks sheriff department.

I spent the day with Edward and his family, mostly just watching their grace and loveliness, each time with an unwelcome surge of envy. Then Edward would turn to look at me, the full power of his eyes unleashed, and all previous thoughts would be gone, my mind hopelessly scrambled.

The hours passed easily and it wasn't until noon and my stomach growled in that inevitable human way, that I decided to go home. Since Edward was supposed to be away I had to ride with Alice. She flitted into her car soundlessly and waited for me to follow. My movements sounded so loud and clumsy after her demonstration.

Like all the Cullen's, Alice had the frightening habit of driving at twice the speed limit. I was used to it now though, and as we weaved past cars and greenery, I began to think about the morning's strangeness.

"Will he ever trust me?" I asked nervously, fidgeting with a hole in my jeans.

Alice, who had probably seen this coming, took no time in answering,

"He does trust you Bella; he just wants to make sure your safe."

"I won't need protecting soon" I answered, staring straight out the windshield.

Alice looked over and threw me a small smile, "that hurts him Bella, having to make the choice"

"What choice?!" I fumed, how dare he think that he would have any say.

She was exasperated, at if this was the most obvious thing in the world,

"Bella no matter what decision you've made, he still has to be the one to change you"

I was about to say something when she raised a hand to stop me,

"Imagine if you had to do it, if you had to stop Edward's heart"

"That's not the same thing" I mumbled

"Don't get me wrong Bella," Alice continued, "I want you to be with us forever, but it's harder for Edward, it's not something you can just take back"

By the time she said this we were pulling up to Charlie's house. The lights were on and his car was in the driveway. With one last look at Alice I shut the door and made my way inside. She waved as she pulled away, a smile on her face as always. I however, had much too much to think about to be cheery.

I stumbled through the door to hear Charlie's inevitable call, "Bella?"

"Yeah dad" I kicked the door shut (not a good idea for someone like me) and caught myself right before I fell flat on my face. I headed straight for the kitchen and opened the fridge.

"How's Alice?" he asked from his usual position in front of the TV.

"Fine," was my response as I took out bread to make a sandwich, "Edward gets back from his camping trip today"

Silence. Edward was not his favorite subject, even now when we had been together for a while. I took my lunch into the living room to sit with him and we talked briefly about how my day was and what I had done. Most of my responses were a lie, but there were several truths that I snuck into the conversation; listening to music (I didn't mention who with), chattering all night (and again the party with whom I was doing this didn't come up). Time passed too slowly, as it always did when Edward was absent, but finally there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it" I said, sliding from the couch and practically running over. I wrenched it open and revealed the most heavenly image there could possibly be; Edward, his eyes burning into my soul, with that breathtaking smirk in place.

"I'm home" he said, winking at me.

"How was your trip?" I asked, playing along.

"Long" he smiled, leaning in and touching his lips to mine. I resisted the urge to grab hold of him, and in a second, we parted.

Charlie was glaring at us from his seat, but I paid no attention, grasping Edward's hand and towing him to the couch. I wanted to curl up onto his lap and hold onto him for hours, but with Charlie there I had to behave myself.

Edward left before dinner, whispering in my ear that he would be back and Charlie and I ate in silence before I excused myself to get ready for bed. I mulled things over in the shower before quickly combing through my hair and hurrying to my room.

Although he hadn't failed to be there in months, the sight of Edward lounging on my bed still took my breath away. His eyes scanned my frame and a gleaming smile spread across his face. I crawled over the covers and into his lap where he was waiting to wrap his arms around me. He ducked his head and burrowed his face into my hair, inhaling the scent of me.

"Hmm" he breathed, his eyes unfocused, far away.

"I miss your house" I whispered once a few moments had passed.

"And why is that?" he asked, amused

"It's more comfortable, and we don't have to be so quiet" I answered, without hesitation

"Really," he said, smiling devilishly, "and what else do you like?"

"More time with you" I said quickly, blushing and looking down at the blanket beneath us

"We're here now" Edward pulled me to him and squeezed my arms gently

"That's true"

And I fell asleep in his arms, matching my breathing with his.

* * *

**A/N: I promise more will happen, Im just waiting for the perfect moment...**


	3. The Volturi

"Edward!" I laughed as he snaked his long arms around my waist. 

"What?" he asked innocently, looking down at me, his eyes smoldering. I stood on my toes to reach him and a shock of warmth ran through me as soon as our lips met.

And then my feet left the ground, swept up in less than a second. I was in his arms, our lips still locked in the kiss. I was on the couch before I could even register moving. Just as always though, the kiss soon broke and we sat in silence.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked finally, looking at my shoes.

"Anything love"

"What were you and your family talking about yesterday?" I was still looking at the floor, afraid of what his eyes might hold.

"Nothing" he answered in a low, flat tone.

I gathered the courage to look up at him and focused all my mental strength into gazing at his eyes.

"You can tell me" I pleaded, still not breaking our gaze.

"Bella" he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"This isn't that hard," I said, getting up from the couch to stand in front of him, "I ask a question and you answer"

"you think everything's so easy!" he raged, standing up from the couch and towering over me," you don't understand Bella, you _can't _understand!" His eyes were pained, but I tried my best to ignore it so I could continue to argue.

"Then make me!' I retorted, grabbing his hand and holding it to the side of my face. I would not let him use my being human as an excuse for withholding the truth, since it was largely his fault that my heart was still beating.

He ripped his hand away and stood with his eyes locked on mine, just as much like a statue as he looked. His expression scared me and my voice quivered as I spoke,

"It's okay Edward, whatever it is, it's okay"

This sent him over the edge,

"No Bella _this_, right here, right now, is not okay!"

I recoiled as if he had hit me and I could instantly see the guilt in his eyes. Ever since last year when he left, he hated to give me any sense of the impression that we would not be together.

"I'll see you tomorrow" he said, kissing my forehead, and I knew it was the truth. Even still it didn't stop the fear from entering my voice as I said,

"You won't be here tonight?"

Edward sighed and combed his hand through his hair,

"Tomorrow" he said again, with such finality that I was afraid to question it, and without another word, he was out the door.

My mind was spinning and I was afraid to probe deeper into my emotions, so I busied myself with Charlie's dinner. When he came home I was more prepared than usual, more than eager for the distraction.

"Bella?" he asked, scrutinizing me as I stood by the table with my perfect hostess expression.

"Hi dad" I said with a too cheery smile. Charlie sat down shaking his head, perplexed. In typical Charlie fashion though, he didn't say anything and I continued my happy façade until it got too dark to ignore. I slumped up the stairs, knowing that I would not sleep well tonight.

I dreamt I was at the Cullen's, with their hushed conversations going on around me. I perked up my ears to try to listen, but I couldn't hear a thing. In a flash, Edward's angry face was in front of me, eyes darker than I had ever seen them,

"You shouldn't be here Bella!" he snarled, baring his teeth.

"Edward!" sweat poured off of me as I sat up in bed, it was light outside my window and my eyes darted anxiously.

"Bella?"

My heart instantly relaxed as I heard the soft, melodic voice of the man I loved. There Edward sat in the chair at the corner of my room, hands folded and eyes unfocused.

He got up and moved toward me, a confused expression on his face. In that moment I forgot that we had been fighting, ignored that he was confused, and clung to him.

"Bella," he gently pushed me away and held me at arms length, "you were right"

"Yeah I know," I answered, laughing "about what?"

He was very serious as he answered,

"You deserve to know"

I went rigid, waiting.

"The Volturi are tired of waiting"

* * *

**A/N: Hope you like it! I tried a bit of a cliff hanger... The pinching of the bridge of the nose was for my friend Steph (if she ever reads this). Please review!**


	4. Conditions and consequences

My heart skipped a beat. I stared at him with wide eyes, not sure if I was breathing. I had no idea why these words brought on such fear. I wanted this didn't I? Wanted to be one of them, but somehow, knowing that the Volturi were coming for me sent a chill down my spine.

"Calm down Bella," Edward said, looking me straight in the eye. His hand caressed my cheek and his eyes were pleading "you need to relax, you need to breathe"

I took a deep breath then, realizing how lightheaded I was, and then – calm.

My brain had finally kicked into gear, _he'll do it now_, the thought echoed in my head, providing me with enough resolve to stop shaking.

"Its okay" I said with as much strength as I could muster.

Bella, "Edward was instantly on edge, "there are other ways"

I was beginning to get serious déjà vu and almost laughed, almost.

"Edward, we've talked about this," I began "it's going to happen anyway, why not now?"

He sighed, "I thought I would have more time to say goodbye to this –"he leaned in and kissed me gently, sending my heart into a frenzy. How odd it would be to not react to his touch.

"Me too," I answered, unexplainable tears welling in my eyes. "How?" I started. He put a finger to my lips to quiet me,

"What about your condition?" he asked, half amused, half pained, this made my heart stop, what about my condition? After all, it was the only human experience I wanted. I was torn between impending doom and the thing I wanted more than anything else in the world, _him._

Edward lowered himself; half crouched, in front of me,

"I wont do this if you're not happy Bella, no matter who's coming" he reached a hand up to move a loose strand of hair that had fallen into my face and tucked it behind my ear.

"And your condition?" I whispered, looking closely at his eyes for any indecision.

"Don't worry, we have all the time in the world for that" Those words had more of a meaning now than they ever had before, all the time in the world meant just that.

This wasn't how I pictured things would go, that I would be urged into a decision by a visit from an impatient pack of vampires, but it wasn't a hard decision to make and I leaned forward to crush my lips to his.

There was a difference in the way he responded, a yearning, anticipation. He wrapped one hand around my back and the other found its way into my hair, fingers tangling forcefully as if that was their intention.

The smell of his breath intoxicated me. I shivered as his eyes snapped open to take me in. I wound my legs around his and pushed myself as close to him as possible.

I let myself fall backward onto the bed, pulling him toward me as I did so. He let me without any resistance and I almost expected him to pull away, instead he snaked his way even closer.

I was vividly aware of every breath in his body, every touch of his skin against mine. His lips moved down my neck, lingering at its base and letting his cool breath escape from a small opening in his lips, almost whistling.

My heart pounded so loudly that I thought it would explode out of my chest. I tried my best to be graceful though, as I started to unbutton my shirt. I fumbled miserably and soon found his hands gliding up to help me. His mouth traced its way up to my ear and whispered,

"You don't have to seduce me…I'm yours"

I blushed, and as we moved, there was no trace of the line, no hesitation, just us…

When the elation of the morning wore off, and I went about my normal routine, the gravity of what was going to happen started to set in.

"What am I going to tell Charlie?" I asked Edward while we were in the kitchen, I sat on the counter and he played with my hair absentmindedly.

"We can't come back here" he said matter of factlly, not looking from his work. I nodded.

"When are we leaving?"

He looked up then, deliberating.

"Late tonight" he said finally, perfect, no time to delay goodbye. "I'll pack your things while you talk to Charlie"

"Can't we just leave without saying anything" I begged, knowing even as I said it that I would never.

"You can't do that to him, to Renee" he said, echoing my thoughts.

I bowed my head and burrowed it in his chest. Amidst all this craziness I needed something real, stable, him. He stroked my hair, resting his cheek on the top of my head.

"It'll be okay love, I promise"

I sighed, "I know" and if he was there it would be, no matter where we were. I felt his gentle laugh,

"You amaze me" he said kissing the top of my head. I wrapped myself around his body and held myself there, breathing him in.

It was hard to believe that just a few hours ago I was terrified of the Volturi. With him next to me, this close, it was hard to worry about anything. Then suddenly he was prying my arms and legs away, moving a safe distance away. I was taken aback.

"I thought we got past all this" I said, bewildered

"Charlie," he explained, "I'll leave"

I slid from the counter and reached for his hand, standing on my toes to touch his lips. He smirked as we pulled apart and headed for the door.

"Tonight" he promised and I smiled. He was gone before I even had a chance to look away. I braced myself as Charlie walked through the door, not quite sure what my plan of attack was yet.

"Bella?" he questioned, in his customary way. The sound of it made tears prick in my eyes, knowing that this might very well be my last chance to answer,

"Yeah dad"


	5. Goodbyes

"Dad" I sat down at the table with him and tried to ignore the pounding in my heart.

"Yeah Bells" he said, looking up from his food at the anxious tone in my voice. I chickened out.

"How's your dinner?" I dodged

"Good, Bella what's going on?"

"Nothing," I answered, too quickly, I could see that he didn't believe it, "dad –" I tried again.

"it cant be that bad Bells, just get it over with" but he had dropped his fork, clearly he expected the worst, still I doubted he was prepared for what I was going to tell him.

"Dad I'm moving in with Edward" I said it in a rush and looked up to see Charlie's face turn from one of concern to one of disbelief and anger.

"No you're not" he said, regaining his composure

"Yeah dad, we're moving to Alaska" I meant to sound authoritative, but it came out as more of a scared child.

"Bella" he plead, "you're going to school soon and then you can live at the dorm"

"I want to live with Edward" I squeaked

"No" he said, slamming his fist so hard on the table it made me jump "what's going on Bella? Why do you suddenly have to move in with _him_? Did he give you an ultimatum? Are you….pregnant?"

"no dad" I stammered, though I knew there was no way I could be, the events of the morning played over in my head and I blushed scarlet and jumped up from the table "it's nothing like that"

"Why then?" he demanded standing too. I didn't have an answer for that question, so I settled on glaring, the last thing I wanted was to fight with Charlie today, but I needed to push him away; it was what was best for him.

"I love you dad, but I'm going" I wanted to run up and hug him, but it was out of the question for now. I stomped up to my room and slammed the door, Edward was there, my bags packed, room bare, as promised. He sat back on the bed, waiting for me.

I climbed up and squished myself to him, listening to his steady breaths. I let the tears fall then feeling so safe in his embrace.

"how do I always seem to manage to make you cry?' he wondered aloud, looking down at my slumped and defeated form.

I looked through the stream of liquid to see his troubled eyes, which only managed to make things worse. I hated to let him see me upset, to watch the anguish in his face, but I couldn't stop, couldn't pretend it didn't hurt me to leave all I'd ever known.

_All except him. _I reminded myself, and that took some of the pain away, because I knew that whatever was ahead would be bearable if he were there.

"We have to go love" he whispered gently in my ear, picking me up and cradling me lightly in his arms. I wiped the tears from my eyes and he let me down, picking up my bags instead.

"Hold on" I said, holding up my hand for him to wait, and grabbing a pen and paper off my desk. First, I penned a quick letter to Charlie,

_Dad,_

_I know you don't agree with what I'm doing, but I promise it'll be better this way. I'm sorry to leave so quickly, but I didn't want to have to say goodbye again. We're both really bad at that sort of thing. I'm sorry you can't understand_ (there was more meaning in those words than Charlie could ever know) _I love you so much,_

_Bella_

I taped the paper to my computer screen and grabbed another sheet for my mother, I told her to be happy and safe, and it was harder for me to write than I would have thought. Edward waited patiently, holding my bags easily with one hand and stroking the back of my hand with the other as I scribbled hurriedly. I threw the pen down and put the second note up with the first.

"Ready?" Edward asked, and I nodded.

I took one last look at my now empty room and scrambled onto Edwards back.

"Hold on" he warned, pointlessly as I was already using all my muscle strength to hold myself to his body.

In one fluid motion we were at the window, leaping out into the cold, damp night, into the unknown.


	6. The Meadow

The trees blurred around our speeding form and I kept my head buried in his shoulder, trying to breathe against the rush of air. My limbs were tired but I dared not move them, for fear of falling. Edward's breathing hadn't changed a bit and I marveled at him. Soon though, we had come to a stop in front of his house and the world suddenly seemed very loud against my clogged ears.

"Bella," he chuckled "you can get off my back now"

"I know," I said, "I'm stuck"

Though I couldn't see his face, I could picture Edward's smile at this statement. He sighed and put down my bags, reaching his hands behind him to grab me and swing me forward. Too soon I found my legs standing on solid ground and fell backward.

"Bella?" he asked in alarm as he caught me and scrutinized my expression, no doubt it was more than a little shocked.

"I'm fine" I said, getting tentatively up and blushing. Edward laughed and put his hand behind my back, guiding me up to the door. I reached out my hand, but Alice beat me to it, standing in the hall and beckoning us inside.

"Hi Bella" she said, grabbing my bags from Edward and flitting gracefully toward the kitchen. We followed, entering the room to find all of the Cullen's waiting at the table. Everyone but Rosalie smiled warmly in greeting.

"What's the plan?" I asked, looking around at each of them. Carlisle was the one to answer,

"We'll turn you here, and then go to Volterra to assure the Volturi that it's been done"

I tried to speak, but could only nod. Edward seized my hand and pulled me closer to him. I was shaking, and cursed myself for it, now was not the time to show weakness.

"When?" I asked weakly when I had regained some of my composure. Edward looked down at me, his eyes dark at the prospect of what was coming.

"As soon as possible" Carlisle said, looking at me too. I glanced to see all of them with their eyes on me and color flooded my cheeks. I looked at Edward, my eyes pleading, begging him to help me escape. Without a word, he pulled me back into the hallway and out of the house.

"Let's go to the meadow" he said. Relief washed through me. We drove there in silence, my eyes stared out the window as I tried to control my thoughts, I didn't need images of blood and searing pain slashing through my mind.

And then we were there, looking out over the sky with the wind whipping my hair around my face. He watched me intently, his hands catching strands of my hair and twirling them.

"Thank you" I breathed as the breeze calmed me.

"You're welcome" he smirked, moving in front of me. Our lips met and I wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my forehead on his. His hands held my face, gently rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

"Are you okay Bella?" he asked when we finally broke apart. My face was still held in his grasp and his eyes searched mine.

"I think so," I said "now that it's just you and me"

He moved one hand and ran it threw my hair, sending shivers down my spine.

"I love you" he whispered, so low that I almost couldn't hear.

"Will you?" I asked, looking down at the gently swaying grass below

"Will I what?"

"Will you still love me when I'm not so warm and clumsy?"

He pulled my face up so that I was looking at him. He was serious now as he stared deep into my soul.

"I will love you forever, no matter what you are"

I smiled, hugging him close to me and breathing in his scent.

"I'm ready" I said, closing my eyes and letting a single tear slide down my cheek, it was gone by the time he pulled me away.

"Are you sure?" he asked, holding me at arms length

"Yes" I said, and I was amazed that my voice sounded confident.

I didn't know how to do this, what to say, how to act. I knelt down in the grass and raised my head to him, eyes unfocused. He followed suit, hair falling in front of his face as he did so. The moonlight glinted off his hair and cast even darker shadows under his tortured eyes.

He kissed my cheek, and if I hadn't known better, I would have thought he was crying

"I love you" he said again

"I love you too" my voice broke

He sat down and pulled me, still kneeling, to his waiting frame. He bent his head into my hair before gently tilting my head to the side. He lips caressed my neck.

"Shut your eyes" he begged, I tried, but they were frozen open in anticipation. His eyes turned black and his teeth were bared, menacing. He brushed his cheek against my exposed skin before bringing his teeth down and….


	7. The Change

My screams echoed through the meadow as his gleaming teeth sank deeper and deeper into my skin. And then my screams turned into sobs and I searched blindly for him. He could get me through this, could help to quench the heat of this fire.

He caught my hands and brought them up to his face, letting me feel what the pain prevented me to see; his clenched jaw and shaking frame. I needed to hold onto him. I was sure that If my grasp faltered even the slightest, I would slip into the darkness and lose the image of him forever.

"_Please" _I begged as the tendrils of flame ripped into my veins, _"please help me"_ I couldn't remember why I had done this, had lost track of the time and place. Seconds might have passed, or days. A tearless sob shook Edward as he held me.

"It'll be over soon" he breathed "you're going to be alright" it was more of a demand than a promise.

But I didn't feel like I would be okay, I didn't think the pain was ever going to stop. I writhed and quaked in his arms, fighting against the lock he had formed. I forced my eyes to open, looking up at him to see the horror and anguish shown plainly in his eyes. Then something that would normally have sent a shiver through me, but I was too far gone to feel anything, the sight of my own blood seeping from the corner of his mouth.

My next shriek echoed through the trees as a new wave of pain coursed through me. My back arched with the force of it. It had to be melting me to my very core, I was sure of it, and yet here I was, my form still held in his grasp.

"_make it stop!"_ I pleaded.

"you have no idea how much it hurts me that I cant" his voice quivered and it would have startled me.

Death was coming. No one could feel this much pain and still live. I had long ago lost the air to scream, but somehow the sound still escaped my mouth. My throat was raw and blood ran in my mouth (I had bitten my tongue without noticing).

There was no more conscious thought, no free will, I was a slave to the flame, doomed to do its bidding. In this state I didn't know that I was causing Edward unspeakable grief, couldn't tell that the image he now saw reflected in those dark, haunting eyes would stay with him for all of eternity.

Somewhere in the distance, in another life it seemed, I heard his phone ring, could feel his pause in deliberating whether or not to answer it, when he did, his voice was strained.

"hello…yes…I don't think…I understand…we'll be there"

I was in his arms, cringing under his too cool touch, being carried away from the meadow, slower than usual. Even the slightest movement made my head feel as if it would explode and I raged against my captor.

"_no, leave me, let me die!" _

"Never" was his only response

Why? Why would anyone agree to such torture? My head rested on his lap as we drove, and I could feel one arm holding me to the seat as I kicked and fought.

"Bella," he said as we sped down the road, "we're going back to my house"

I couldn't tell why he bothered to say this; it didn't matter where he was taking me, if this pain continued. A spasm of fire hit me then and I dug my nails into his skin as if that would save me from what was about to come.

"shh Bella" he soothed as another ear splitting scream broke from my lungs. I clawed at this skin, still hoping that this was a dream and I would wake up in his arms, warm and content.

I couldn't remember the merits of this plan anymore, only seeing that I had condemned myself to a fate worse than death. He had stopped the car and I could hear the murmur of voices outside.

Someone gasped and I thought it was Esme, but I couldn't be certain. I heard Carlisle though, calm and confident as always.

"Get her in the house" he said, and Edward obeyed

"She's in so much pain" I heard him say, over the piercing screeches, "I don't know what to do"

"There's nothing you can do" Rosalie spoke now, her voice cold and distant, "she's made her choice, now she has to deal with it"

A snarl ripped through Edward's chest and he turned to face her

"That's enough" Esme said, guiding Edward away toward the couch where he placed me.

"it will be okay Edward" she assured him "she will be alright"

I cant let anything happen to her" he whispered through clenched teeth, "I wont"


	8. Awakening

_Awakening_

I fought to stay conscious. I couldn't let myself slip away, to lose the scene before my eyes. The darkness held too much pain; it ravaged my soul and ate away at my skin.

"Edward" I gasped as I twisted in agony.

"Yes" he said, his breath dancing across my skin

"Don't let me go" I reached out my hand desperately for him to take. His cold touch seared into my heated skin and sent a jolt of electricity through my body.

Tears stung my face and I was weeping before I knew it. I was slipping, and I could feel it. I held tightly to his hand and he squeezed it, letting me know that he would be there.

As I traveled down the endless tunnel of shadow and screams; I tried my best to think of him.

"I'm here Bella" his words echoed in my head as my lungs begged for air. It was like someone was strangling me and I couldn't escape.

My eyes flew open and I reached my free hand up to my neck, willing it to let in oxygen.

"What is it Bella?" he asked, alarmed. I shook my head violently, my whole body begging for air. My eyes were filled with terror and he must have seen it.

"Carlisle" he choked, standing up, but never once freeing my hand. I heard the rush of footsteps, but couldn't make out what was being said. My lungs burned and my head swam, my heart was slowing. I sobbed silently, the action causing my chest to heave.

"Be strong" he growled, "you _are_ strong Bella, you can do this"

I hadn't heard her come in, but Alice stood beside us, eyes on me but talking to Edward.

"Charlie is coming, he seems to think you've kidnapped her and brought her here" She laughed then, but it was dull, half hearted.

Edward sat for a moment, "I'll take her upstairs, distract him"

In one swift movement, I was in his arms and being carried to his room. He sat with me at the edge of his bed, eyes far away.

There were several sharp knocks at the door before Alice answered it.

"Charlie?" she asked in a perfect bewildered tone. I shut out the rest. I didn't want to hear his grief.

"He thinks I've hurt you" Edward spoke softly "but he's wrong, it's so much worse than that" his lips touched my forehead and his nose traced a path down to mine. "I love you" he said looking into my anguished eyes, "how could I do this?"

I wanted to reach out, to tell him everything was alright, but my mind wouldn't focus. I stared at him with worried eyes, afraid that he would lapse into a bought of self pity.

The darkness was starting to seep in through the windows; my third day of transformation was drawing to a close.

The moonlight turned his skin translucent and his gaze instantly became more haunting.

"Why did I do this to you?" his eyes quivered, still locked on mine, but I couldn't look anymore. I was growing stronger, the heat of the fire was dying away and I could feel a new kind of power taking over, pulsing through my veins. And the beginnings of the thirst that I knew would be a constant presence in my new life.

The screaming had subsided, replaced by fear and a strange curiosity. I reached up my hand to stroke his defeated face, the motion stronger now that I could concentrate. My fingers danced across his clenched jaw and found their way down to his lips, copying the lines of them.

"Bella" he breathed into the palm of my hand "you shouldn't –"

My sharp intake of breath stopped him mid sentence. It was like coming up for a breath after drowning. The cold air stung my lungs with a new intensity and I shot up, more alert than I could ever remember being. My eyes could see every line every shape and the whistling of the wind outside the window was suddenly deafening to my too sensitive ears. I brought my hands up, pressing them hard against my skin.

"Bella," he said prying my hands away and placing them back on his face. I shrieked with the sudden intensity of everything around me. His words crashed against my eardrums "its okay Bella"

I shoved him away from me and stopped dead as I saw that his body moved under my touch. I could smell everything, even Charlie who had left so long ago. My eyes darted back and forth, trying to understand what was going on.

This was too loud, too violent, I wasn't ready for this.

"Make it stop!" I cried, digging my nails into my scalp and crumpling into the corner, "I don't want this anymore!' this stung him and I could tell, but I was beyond caring.

"Bella, it'll get better, you'll learn to control this" he got up cautiously from the bed and made his way over to me with slow, measured steps.

"No, I can't do this" I rasped

"Yes you can Bella"

"Liar!" I snapped and he took a step back, a heartbroken look in his eyes.

And with more speed than I could have ever imagined myself having, I darted out the door and into the night


	9. Something to get used to

The trees sped by in a haze of shapeless color as I ran. It was terrifying and I wanted to stop, but was afraid what would happen. Finally, as I passed a house, I came to a halt. I could smell them, people, but not in any sort of way I could ever remember; the blood pumping through their veins screamed to me as if it were spilled freely, but where it would normally have turned my stomach, I slumped inward with the force of the ache it caused in my chest.

It pulsed, the phantom of a heart that had once beat freely, knocking me to my knees. My lip curled back of its own volition and the pulsing became a tear, ripping across my pale skin. In the sharp moonlight I could see it, oddly detailed in my new sight.

I lurched forward, being pulled by some unseen force. I didn't seem to have any control over my body. I was inching closer, my mind begging for the movement to stop, but my thirst seemed to have other plans.

It was more than a desire, it was a necessity. I didn't care about the lives that would be lost, ruined, about the families that would lose a person they loved, the only notion in my head was the need to spill their blood, to drink them dry.

The image of their screams of horror, terror in their faces as I bore down upon them, cold wilted bodies held in my own, completely drained, flooded my mind.

And then his hands were on my shoulder, restraining.

"You can't do this Bella, I won't let you"

In that moment, the strong desire to lurch at him overcame me, but I forced it back with great difficulty. He seized my hand and dragged me back; using more might than I suspected he ever had before.

"Bella" he prompted me when we were safely locked away in his house

"I'm scared," I interrupted, my voice softer than a whisper "I didn't just want them, I _needed _them, I could see it so clearly, how I would do it" I shuddered. He flinched infinitesimally at my words before answering calmly,

"It will get easier; you won't have to try so hard"

"But what if I –"my words trailed off

"I won't let that happen" he said grabbing my face in his hands "you will hurt no one, except those poor penguins" he added and I smiled.

"Promise?"

"Of course" he brushed the hair lightly from my eyes, slight disappointment in his own that he tried to hide, but I caught it.

"What is it?" I asked cautiously, he sighed

"I miss the color of your eyes" he answered finally

"Oh" I said, trying to be casual, but a pang struck the cavity where my heart used to beat.

"I'll get used to it" he amended quickly "I love you Bella, you are just as beautiful as the day I first saw you" that sidetracked me

"I'm more beautiful now though, right?" he shook his head in exasperation

"In an obvious way, yes Bella, you look like us"

I tried to smile, but it was strained, the fact that he wasn't completely pleased with my appearance stung me. The ache in my chest was dulled now that there was no obvious prey, but not gone, it made my head spin, clogging my thoughts and making it hard to concentrate. I breathed into Edward's shoulder to try to gain some sense of reality, but it only filled me with sudden terror, his scent, which had been so strong and present while I was human, was gone.

It was a stupid thing to be upset over I knew, but it still produced a tearless sob.

"What is it Bella?" he pulled me away so that he could see me clearly, his eyes burned with concern.

It was too much, I wanted to run, to escape this waking nightmare, but I couldn't risk anyone's life. Would I even recognize myself anymore? My world was spinning, changing even as I sat, but as powerful as I now was, I could do nothing to stop it.

Edward rubbed his thumb against my chilled skin, and though I couldn't feel the ice of his touch against my blush anymore, the idea of the angel touching me, in such close proximity, sent a shiver down my spine.

"Bella" he started again, pulling me out of my reverie, "what's wrong?"

I shook my head, trying to calm myself before I answered,

"Just another thing to get used to"

Confusion filled his eyes, but he didn't say anything, instead he touched his lips to mine. They moved in a reassuring way; if everything changed and he stayed it would be alright.

So there we sat, equals now, cold lip against cold lip, ignoring the turning of the world.


	10. Eternity

The ache in my chest seared suddenly, and I bent inward, my hands hugged tightly around my waist and my fingers dug sharply into my side. My teeth were locked together, keeping back the snarl that was clawing up my throat threatening to escape. My eyes were far away, seeing passed the walls, trees, and miles of road that kept me from my prey. I locked myself in place, never moving from the edge of Edward's bed.

"No" I managed to hiss through a small opening in my clenched teeth. I had never experienced such desire, a stronger emotion than I could ever begin to describe, enough to capture my thoughts and send me lurching forward without any conscious choice.

"Bella?" Edward asked, stepping into the room and, upon seeing my sunken frame, rushing over.

Without another word, he knelt on the bed behind me, pulling me to him. I let it happen, not wanting to struggle or fight anymore, I needed him. He pried my hands away from my body and replaced them with his own; He buried his head into my neck, letting his beautiful hair brush against the skin. His lips brushed against me softly.

We sat there for a few moments; a pair of statues glistening in the dim light from the sun, locked in an agonized tangle, until the urge lessened and I gained a hold of myself. Edward felt my body relax and pulled his hands away, giving me a final kiss at the base of my neck.

"Thank you" I breathed, falling back into his waiting arms. He laid his head on the top of mine and let out a rush of air.

"I'm sorry" he whispered "I'm sorry I put you through this" In an instant I was standing, facing him. He was still on the bed, and for a moment his eyes were startled.

"_You_ didn't put me through anything" I raged "_I _chose this, _I _made the decision"

"Which couldn't have happened without my consent" he retorted

"Oh, it would have happened" I said, defiant now "I would have jumped off a bridge or something so you had no choice"

He scowled, "don't say that Bella"

"Why not?" I raised my voice an octave "it's the truth"

"You have no idea how dangerous this life is" he said, locking his eyes on mine.

"I do get it Edward, believe me I do, but there's no going back, we can't change anything"

We were both standing now, fuming and unblinking. There was a crash downstairs, the sound of breaking glass ending our stare down.

"Wait here" he hissed, vanishing from in front of me, but our conversation had made me bold and I followed. As I came to the top of the stairs, I stopped dead. There, standing in the Cullen's living room, surveying it as if it were a rare artifact, was Jane, flanked by her henchmen. My world came crashing down.

"Ahh" she whispered, lifting her eyes to me "interesting"

My newly acquired abilities did me good, as I looked into her eyes, frozen in irrational terror.

And then she was in front of me, reaching out her hand as if to test that I was real, Edward was by my side in an instant, a deep growl erupting from his throat.

"Leave Bella" he snarled through clenched teeth, his hands spread wide to protect me. But my legs were stuck, and no amount of super speed was going to move them. "You shouldn't be here Bella" his head snapped back to look at me and they were dark.

When I didn't move he motioned to Alice infinitesimally, who converged on me, grabbing my upper arm and towing me away.

"No" I said, finding my strength and getting my arm back. Jane was getting fed up.

"Enough" she said, turning her gaze to Edward and unleashing her powers on him, he fell to his knees, bringing his hands up to his head in desperation.

"Stop" I screeched, as Edward cringed below me. And no force could keep me back as I bounded into Jane using all my strength. We collided with an Earth shattering _bang_ and flew back onto the floor, landing a few feet away from each other.

Felix and Demetri stepped out of the shadows then and I stood up, half crouched in defense, but as I lunged forward, the rest of the Cullen's took up positions around me. We stared for several unbelievable seconds before the fight began. Half took on Demetri while the others took Felix, with one exception; Edward stepped forward to face Jane.

She was smirking, obviously amused by my family's need to protect me. I watched as she moved to the right and Edward followed, neither letting the other one budge an inch.

I fell into step beside Edward and he looked at me, horrified.

"Bella _go!_" he yelled, and in the split second that his attention was diverted, Jane knocked him backward. He toppled into the couch, turning it over with the force of the blow.

"Edward!" I screeched. Hatred boiled inside me and it propelled me into her for the second time. This time it didn't take either of us any time to stand up and we started to circle each other.

Edward was caught up in the ongoing battle between Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Felix. Bodies slammed into furniture, crippling the piano in the corner. I was quick now, but Jane was quicker, she descended upon me and with a resounding tear ripped my arm out of its socket. I screamed and Edward turned instantly, anger flashing in his eyes.

Felix tore into him and with a sickening snap, his back was broken. I turned my back on my opponent and raced to his side.

"Edward" I gasped, resting my forehead on his. His hand reached up to stroke my face and my lips grazed against his nose.

"I love you" I whispered, my breath so close to his.

"For eternity love" he breathed, my mouth met his and the world seemed to stop around us as we kissed. It didn't matter that we were fighting for our lives, that there was a battle going on, all that mattered was us, our love.

And then there were too strong hands dragging me back, away from him, I shut my eyes, not wanting to see what I knew was happening. I heard the sounds, smelled the perfume filled smoke, but I couldn't look, couldn't lose that last beautiful image I had of him, Edward Cullen, my love.

I didn't care anymore about my fate, he was my destiny, and destiny was gone. I felt the flames lick my skin, but the pain was nothing to what I had just experienced, and it was a welcome relief. I heard Alice scream my name, but I couldn't open my eyes, because I wouldn't let go of the picture of him.

I knew unequivocally that the darkness was coming, but it was what I wanted if he would be there. I knew he would be furious that I was giving up, and that knowledge gave me the only thing left that I wanted from this world, his voice.

_Fight! _He told me urgently_ don't give up!_

I smiled to myself as I headed to the darkness, in this moment it would be filled with pain, but for the rest of eternity, love.

**The End**.

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**A/N: Im sorry guys, but I had to do it. Dont hate me...please. If you want a story where nothing bad happens to our favorite characters, Im working on one right now that my friend forced me to write after she read this truly depressing chapter. I'll upload it soon. I hope you like my writing enough to read it, even after what I just did.**


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